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Dear Diary: Day 2--Fat Girl PSA and The Death of Chivalry!

Today hasn't been too bad. Even with the news of my brother's trial being pushed back to October, (fucking hate the law!!!!) its still been pretty good. During a rousing round of "Facebook Shuffle", I came across 2 friend's statuses that interested me a bit more than others. The first one asked...

"Ladies, do you feel that chivalry is dead?"

Of course, me being the person I am, waited to see what people said. There were tons of, "Yeah, these niggas aint SHIT!", "Thats why I do shit for myself!", and some of those "Its so hard to find men like that anymore!". Lets not forget the "I think chivalry only exists in older men, which is why I DON'T date younger guys!". 

Now, after about 5 mins, I made my remark. 

Personally, I feel that chivalry is dying, and...


Thats right! I said it! You bitches can call me a traitor all you want, but you know its true! The moment Destiny's Child came out with that stupid ass "Independent Women" song, you bitches fell into that gimmick, adopted the song as your theme, turned the shit around, and went completely BONKERS! 

Its nice to be independent. I think its a beautiful thing, being an independent woman myself. HOWEVER, LET THE MEN BE MEN! If he wants to treat you to dinner, STOP PICKING UP THE TAB! Let him pull out your chair! Let him shower you with gifts! Let him open the car door for you! Men like to feel like they are needed in some shape, form, or fashion, so stop tryna be big shit! You know you dont know how to fix a fucking car!  Stop acting like you dont NEED a man to help you with some things! Be honest, if GOD didn't want Adam to have someone to take care of and protect, he would have left the man his damn rib and let him play with a fucking chimpanzee! Chivalry can be saved. It can. Women just need to let go. Some of these women need to stop USING men too! You heauxs are making it hard for nice women! Most men, (like most women) believe that all women are the same, when thats FAR from the truth. Theres only 3 types.


Life aint a real life Player's Club. You dont have to USE WHAT YOU GOT to get what you WANT. You don't have to PLAY men to get what you want. Shit's not cute at all.  

Bottom line..

Ladies, you are not invincible. You cant do everything. And if there is a man thats willing to help you...LET HIM! Stop busting your pussy open like 7-11, thinking that its gonna get you farther ahead. You'll only be left with cum stained sheets, low self esteem, and a chocha with no elasticity!

P.S. Bitchassness, comes in ANY age. You can be 22 & chivalrous, but 52 & a asshole, so dont base your dating, on something like that. Base it on how much you LIKE that person! You never know. You may find a 27 year old, with a heart of gold, and the maturity of a 54 Pinot Grigio! =]

10 mins passed before I wound up looking at my favorite Messican's (insider..teehee ^_^) status. She talked about a club that didn't want to let plus size patrons in, how dumb it was for sales, how it was against the law, and how facially challenged skinty women constantly speak on the good life, yet us beautiful big women can lose weight, and still be beautiful, and they'd look like the HEEL of a person's crusty ass foot. Of course I giggled, said what I said, and went on. But one person's comment about "Obesity being unhealthy" and "get your fat ass up and exercise like the Queen of Sheba you are", made me think about some things.


Nobody said being fat was healthy, because we all know what being overweight can do to your body and heart. However, if a person happens to FEEL comfortable the way they are, and celebrates their body, I think others have NO right to speak on/or ridicule them. It takes major balls, gull, and self appreciation to be comfortable with who you are. I was very self conscious for a long time, and there are some days that I still am. But I do know that I have to accept me for me FIRST, before I can make a change on me. When you decide to turn your life around, you should do it for you...NEVER for anyone else's benefit. Think about you and your self worth before ANYONE else's opinions of you. YOU MATTER! They dont. Simple.

I got exhausted, so I just logged off for , but I just had to share these thoughts with you guys. So ladies and gents, do YOU think chivalry is dead? How do you feel about dating older guys? Was the club wrong for not letting big girls in? Do any of you have problems with your self esteem? 
Give me your thoughts below, cause you know I just LOVE to hear from ya!

Much love as always!


-Joni Cee: Miss Loving HERSELF! <3


Dear Diary: Day 1--Do They STILL Check for He/She?

"Ambitious girl, the drive-drive me crazy

I'm tryna stay with you, lay with you

I'll pay you tuition, pray with you if you aint intuition

I'm tryna fxck the shxt out your aspirations

see, the last one I dated, I hated

we wake up, i go to work, she leave out

come back with some make up, high heels, and a purse, or

worse i ask, "Babygirl, what you aspire to be?"

she reply to me like, "why you perspiring me?" bxtch..

pardon me if I'm sweating you but,

I wanna see something else in you before I invest in you

ambitious girl, (what you sitting for)

I'd rather you tell me to hit you later,

because you gotta finish a paper

then to be in my face asking for a rosea cup

see these bxtches can't cut in yo business

I'm in love with your business

and your productivity is the reason I intrest, ambitious girl

see, I like the person that you are,

but I'm in love with the person that you have potential to be

and all your dreams sharing with me

and your secrets baring with me

and the flaws, you aint even got to mention to me,

ambitious girl, you just wanna win, and you'd rather chase your dreams, 

then to try to chase these men

that try to chase these skirts

that try to chase these shots with flavors that not even as sweet as her

my ambitious girl, I wont forget you,

I just reflect on how I aint met you, yet boo

you somewhere, getting your life in order

so for the time being, i hope this (overscribe) might support her

support her, or work her, she worth it"

-Wale "Ambitious Girl"

How many of us consider ourselves to be she? I know I do. People have different thoughts and opinions as to what true ambitions are. I say, you should live up to your own. Trying to match people's thoughts and ideals, will only do 2 things. Either it'll kill you, or drive you crazy. I learned a long time ago that I'll NEVER reach others standards. So instead, I stick to my own. I value my own feelings, thoughts, and concepts, before I value someone else's. If your goal in life is to become a rapper, by all means, THROW your everything into it. YOUR ambitions, will get you a deal. If you want to be the first black manager in AE, GO FOR IT! No matter how big or small, go for your dreams, because to live life without a goal to accomplish, isn't living at all----its only existing. Maybe if men and women would look to this song, instead of settling for the AVERAGE and mundanity in women/men today, and instead, find someone thats similar to it, we'd have a shitload of ambitious men and women, as high as the sky, and maybe even higher. 

Think about it.



2 People + 2 Hearts= 1 Beat: The Love Of A Mother

Today's Quote

"Theres no way I can pay you back, but my plan is to show you that I understand. 

2PAC- "Dear Mama"

Wassup Everyone?

This post is dedicated to the very special lady in my life. No matter what happens, no matter how many arguments we get into, no matter what mean words we may say to each other, nothing can express the love I feel for you. You are my everything, My heartbeat, my air, my life, and I love you with all my heart. 
Barbara, you are truly the world's best mother, and words cant describe how blessed I am to have you as my mommy. 
This one's for you...

The video above is a special performance by legendary songstress Minnie Riperton on a 1970's show called "The Midnight Special".

This song is very dear to my heart. Is it the melody? Nope. Now, it seems many get this song confused with just some kind of simple tribute to a soulmate, when not many people know that Loving You, was originally a lullaby for her daughter, comedian Maya Rudolph! 

As a child, I was always hooked on this song. One of my most fondest memories connected me to her. I was no more than about 3 years old and I remember sitting on an old fashioned Brown's Velvet milk crate in the kitchen of our Florida project apartment. It was early in the afternoon and I was soooooo sleepy. My mom had been doing my hair for a hot minute and I had dozed off about 2 or 3 times. Then I heard it. I heard that beautiful instrumental, and the next thing I knew, I had fell asleep on my mom's leg.  It was something within that song that made me feel like no matter what is going on outside, as long as I was with my mom, I was safe from the wicked ways of the world, and to this day, I still feel the same way. Years pass by and I search for this song on Youtube one day because I have the urge, and I just happened to stumble across this video. As I watched, my emotions flooded all over again. I cried and ran to hug my mom. I feel like Minnie's eyes looked deep in my soul. She stares into the camera many times during the performance, but when she sings Maya's name, thats when I knew. I've always wondered why I was so connected to this song, and the reason was staring me in the face the whole time..

"Loving you, is easy 'cause you're beautiful..
Everyday of my life is filled with loving you..
No one else can make me feel, the color that you bring..
Please stay with me while we grow old, and we will live each day in the Springtime..
Cause loving you has made my life so beautiful..
And everything that I do, is out of loving you.."

Never have I heard such beautiful words spoken by a mother, to their child. 
Loving You is just a testament of a mothers love for her daughter.
How her life has changed since Maya came into her life.

It just makes me realize how much I love my mom. She's one of a kind, and special to me in every way.
We have our differences, like most families, and sometimes, I just wanna push her down a flight of stairs..LMAO, but she's my mom. No matter how ditsy, dingy, unorganized, crazy, selfish, stupid I can become, no matter how much I may talk back and turn away from her advice, and no matter how much I can fuck up in a lifetime, she will ALWAYS love me unconditionally. And that, is a blessing within itself!

I say all that to say this...SHOW YOUR MOM YOU APPRECIATE HER!
She's the only one you have! Never take her for granted, because when she's gone, thats it!

So todays question is..

Do you have any songs/videos that remind you of you mom or parent? 
Leave your comments below!

Let that soak in people =]

Thanks for reading

Much love...

Joni Cee: [Barbara's] Momma's Baby =]

*The whistle register is the highest register of the human voice, lying above falsetto and modal registries. Mariah Carey, Shanice, and Chante Moore are known whistle register singers, but MINNIE was the FIRST! =]


I just CANT deal..

Today's Quote

"Cause I'd rather be pumped, than drown in my tears. 
Don't wanna think it over. Don't wanna be sober.."

-Tweet [Drunk]


Im only on here for a short period of time, but I had to do this. Because of a few friends of mine, TRUE friends, Im doing a venting post only. Life is being a bitter, ruthless, spiteful bitch right now, and frankly, theres only so many times I can deal with her smacking me in the fucking face, so Im taking a hiatus from everything that isn't making me happy because I really cant deal with anymore pain. So, here's my piece.

You are COLD.
You run through my life like a raging river.
And you KILL every ounce of happy I have.
You've been here since He left me.
You've gotten close to my father.
You're making my relationship with my mother fade away.
Even when I cry and call on Gods name, its not enough.
You're getting your wish.
You're slowly tearing me apart. 
Eating away at my insides like a parasite.
Feeding off my unhappiness.
You grow strong from my pain.
I grow weak from your blows.
Keep going, and you just may be the DEATH of me.
I cant keep fighting..I just cant.
Its beginning to be too much to handle.
Even the heroine has to die sometimes.
Emotionally, Im already there.
Down here in hell....with you.

Dedicated to Cece and Nora.
"If life had a heart, you'd beat your love into me.."


Welcome to MY rehab..

Todays Quote

"Fool me once...shame on you. Fool me twice...shame on me. Fool me thrice...DAMN BITCH ARE YOU STOOPID? Any more and you'll be a glutton for punishment!"

-Joni Cee

*steps up to mic...*

Ahem. Hello and WELCOME to our first ever meeting.

Allow me to introduce myself!

Hi, my name is Joni...

[Now thats when you say..."Hiiiii Joniiii!"]

Hi. Im here today because Im a victim of the Get It? Got It? Good!

Ive suffered through it in 3 different relationships, and although I just got out of a mini, 2 week lasting, forever in a day waiting, happiness just leaked out his fucking front tire, GOTCHA BITCH relationship, Im still going strong!

Lets go play by play and see how this LAST relation-SHIT worked out..

Here's MY story!

Picture it...Sarah T. Reed High School...Circa 2002.

Joni was a cute little chunky, intelligent, slightly nerdy, 15 year old chickadee in a new world...New Orleans East. I was born and partially raised in the crazy, untamed gorilla world of the 9th W/D (when shit was kosher..), moved to "Mid Suburbia" aka the posh and slightly prim and proper area of the 7th W/D (right by city park..CARROLLTON), migrated BACK to the 9, right at the time when shit turned RAW, and decided that my next move was REAL suburbia land..aka..NEW ORLEANS EAST, the area where if you came from the hood, and you didn't have much, niggas will think you MOVED on up to the "East side" to speak. The apartments in the sky were not that deluxe..letsbeHONEST! 

Anyways..moving on. 

New school, new life, new neighborhood=NEW FRIENDS! I met this crazy little band dude named *Cody. He's the HOTTEST, in my eyes anyways. I mean I had the CRAZY BLAZIN hots for this lil nigga. His swag wasn't super impeccable, but for a teen, PAPI WAS ON P-O-I-N-T-E! (Yes niggas, not point...but pointe! May not fit, but I like that spelling SO much better =]). As a popular kid, people loved this dude. And his mom working at the school made him even more a go to for ANYTHING they needed. Yuuup! *as Shorty Is A Killa plays in the back of my head*

Now I, on the other hand, was a newb. New. Odd. Strange. Peculiar. NO ONE LIKED ME, with the exception of the school choir members, underclassmen, and teachers! But oddly, I didn't mind that! Originality was my specialty..always had been. I didn't listen to bounce. I didn't have the best that money can buy. No Gucci shoes and throwbacks. No fitteds and G-Nikes. No Dickies w/ the cellphone pocket. Nope. I was a regular princess cut Reebok having, St. John's Bay pant wearing somebody. And that, made me NOT fit in..but that was NOT my concern. Nope, Miss Joni was NOT a social butterfly. I made herself slightly known through other ways. Doin book reports for people, becoming SGA President 2 years running, becoming head choir director, and Drama Club President. 

Even though I had a crazy crush on him, I knew MY place. I knew that the popular kid, wasn't gonna fuck with me...The Goon/Geek Squad, where not only was I the president, but I was a client as well. I stayed farh farh away..(in my Jenny voice..Forrest Gump! ^_^). I already knew there could be consequences to those actions. Now, I did, however, hang out with a well known chick in the school. Unfortunately, Santani was well known for a many of things, and NONE of them we're positive. But, the she became my first friend at the school, and knowing she lived around the corner, made me feel a little less lonely. What made everything a even bigger plus, was that HE hung with the popular friend, but even I knew what that was about. Can we say getting into the pants? Mmhm. Thank you class! *snaps*

Time goes on and we advance to the 11th grade. Thats when my status boosted up a bit. I started gaining more attention from people. Creating long lasting..(SO WE THOUGHT) friendships with classmates. He began seeing this and started hanging with me and Santani. One day, as we sit in front of the bus stop, he walks over and asks to join us in our quest. Of course we say yes and the next thing you know, the three of us are sitting in the living room chuckling it up. One thing leads to another, and before long, Santani and he are snuggled up on the sofa. We know where this goes right? Right! So, I leave. Soon after that, my and Santani's friendship goes down the shithill it climbed up on. This chapter...DONE!

12th grade year..gone. Out of high school..done. Years pass by...rapid. I..GROW. Spiritually and mentally. Im way different from my former nerdy/ slightly popular, high school self. Im a little older, a good bit wiser, funnier, less nerdy, up on her music shit, in the dating game, loving life, and blissful than a mothafucker. 

LOW AND BEHOLD, who finds me on FB? Mmhm. Him. Cody. The high school crush. The sexy beast. The teen who's swag was on a 100, 1,000, trillion, stepped on the scene like a MOTHER FUCKIN SIGMA! 2 kids. No relationship. Job. Coolin. And like a breath of fresh air, those feelings, come sweeping through my city.

Now, we talk for quite a while. A couple of months. Within these convos, he reveals that he actually liked me and he only wanted to "crush" the friend. Now of course I dont believe that, but Im the type to give a nigga a chance to prove himself...despite what I've been told. We then decide to see each other. I was real eager to show him the me that he SHOULD have seen in high school. The mature minded, silly, sexy, sweet me that he never acknowledged as a teen in fear of persecution . 

We wound up spending a day together. It seemed like he fit into the puzzle SO perfectly. Met the moms, pops, and sis in ONE setting, and men who have dated me, know that this is HIGHLY unlikely to do in ONE meeting, so THIS was a phenomenon. Un-natural occurance. Definitely some NEW shit! This alone made me giggle! I even met the baby boy in the first wrap, which was important to me.

Now, I had been keeping herself calm, but I couldn't help but think about the day we had together. We talked more after that and I decided that its cool for us to pursue a boo-ship, but that turned into a relationship fairly quickly. I was his girl. His squeeze. And THAT, was a moment! I had been keeping a vow. I would not have sex until I started in a new relationship. And now that I was in one, I surprised him with the morning of a lifetime. He comes at 8:30 when Im still asleep. I get up, open the door, grab some clothes and head straight for the shower. After about 20 mins, I come out greased up, sweet smelling, with wet hair and a fully succulent body. Of course, he's impressed. One thing leads to another, and after 1 year and 2 months of celibacy, I give in to my instincts, and let him dip his swizzle stick in MY mocha-latte! ^_^. Most people know I dont jump in, but my heart told me something was different. He was NOT the kid we knew in high school. He had changed. And me being the grown woman that I am, decided that he would be the one to change my status.

I was on a high for a week, until I got that call. Now, a week had went by w/o me speaking to him, but me being me, didn't think anything of it. He's a dad. He has a life. Now, prior to visiting, he hurt his ankle and had a ace bandage on it. When we talked, he explained he had been in the hospital for that week. I thought maybe he had surgery, but BOY was I wrong.

Then that evening came. My sister called and delivered some news that slightly stung. The way the story went, was that our friend, Dom, saw who she thought was a "band geek" in high school...someone Joni had a crush on. He was "snuggled up" with this chick in Home Depot, who looked like she could be pregnant. His name..was Cody.
My sister didn't think it was true, until Dom pointed out that he had been limping all around the store because it looked like her hurt his ankle. Thats when she knew what the real deal was. Cody, had been fucking over little ole me. Playing the kid like a fiddle.

Now, Dom NEVER knew we dated, so we knew there was no retaliation thing involved She wasn't tryna be messy or anything.  She hadn't even heard his name till my sister replied with: "OMG! Joni's fucking with him. Thats her boyfriend!" which Dom replied: "Well, he sure didn't act like someone in a relationship when I saw him!"


Someone I thought ACTUALLY liked me, after being alone for 1 year and 2 months (from my previous 3 year relationship), but I guess I was wrong as all hell. 

Now, I told my story today to explain the Get It? Got It? Good! game.

This is how it works..

Step 1: You GET it aka HER yet?

 They GET you with all of the sweet words, kind gestures, and they pay attention, while pretending to care. Sweet nothings, gifts, and calls just to say "Hey, I miss you." also come pre-written/scripted like a cheap horror film. You start out not listening, but something inside of you says give it a chance. Thats when they rise to step 2.


You are now under the spell. The reins are around your neck, and the ball is no longer in your court. Yes boo. You caught the ball at shortstop, then fumbled like Cardinal you are. 

Step 3: GOOD!
POW! Right in the kisser! Just when you thought it was safe, they do you in..dirtiest of dirty shit, and expect you to just shrug it off like.."GOOD."!  This leaves you feeling used. They, on the other hand, shrug shit off and suggest you to do the same! No sorry. No excuses. No NOTHING. And since you've been tapped dry..

As far as progress, he and I haven't talked. 
He doesn't know that I know. When my nerves are settled, I may call. 
But as of now, Im cool on his shenanigans.

Thats how I became a "Get It? Got It? Good!" statistic.

So now that my story is over, what did we learn?

They are everywhere. They hide outside in the bushes, waiting for a sweet soul to suck into their world. 

Keep your guard up. Stand your ground. 

Most importantly, protect your heart. Its not a toy for his amusement.
Just because you have a ribcage, doesn't mean you're heart is guarded. 
Remember that!

Meeting adjourned!

If you have any questions/comments, go ahead and post up. 
I enjoy reading and answering your thoughts!


Joni Cee: The REAL one.

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