Twitter Twats to Teehee Tweets: The PMS'rs and REAL Comedians of Twitter =], Volume 1..Coming Soon!

WHAT THE FUCKS UP PEOPLE =)?

First and foremost, HAPPY BELATED THANKSGIVING! Yeah, I know I've been slippin on my pimpin with this here blog, and for that, I apologize. Ive been busy with alot of things...(birthday and funegro; life in general). Anyways, as I waste my life away tweeting my Twitter jibba jabba, I've kept some of the funniest and harshest shit people have said in my favorites. Yay for little gold stars right? So, with that being said, heres just a few crazy Twitter quotes, guaranteed to make you piss your pants, and *side eye* the fuck out of your CPU screen =]

The BEST of "Shae Shae" aka...

@ShaeButtah_

"Lil Kim's Throat jus #signedtoyoungmoney. She Said She Down For SWALLOWING The Competition"

"Drakes ACL jus #signedtoyoungmoney. He ready TO RIP THAT SHIT!!!"

Retweets

@COACH_WAYMO:#iuse2likeubut you thought black history month was in August cause that's when football season started!! Smh

@COACH_WAYMO: Bitch Don't Suck Dick = Don't Get No Text Back Barbie! Lmao

(Via @ShaeButtah_)

Thats just a few. Im still compiling more as we speak, but I know once its done, you'll LOVE it!

Anyways, Im gone. Just wanted to give yall a quick update=]

One Love: Joni..The Giggle Master =]

=[Love&Music]= Post 1: The evoking of FEELINGS and THOUGHTS

Todays Quote...

"If all the worlds a stage, I pray to GOD that he gives me the strength and wisdom to be a great playwright."

-Joni Chelle <3

Today's Photo

Morning my lovelies =]

This weekend has been BANANAS, to say the least! From working damn near non stop in the kitchen, cooking up sweets and goodies for the family, to having my Thanksgiving weekend, BAYOU CLASSIC WEEKEND, being a total and complete bust! Its not my bestie's fault though. Hopefully she's feeling better!

[If youre reading this, FEEL BETTER ARINNNNN! *SCREAMS OUT* DIVASSSSSSS!]

*AHEM*...Anywhoo...back to the subject at hand.

After sitting at home in the think tank (my lovely, yet stimulative purple room), I spit some random thoughts out this morning.

What were they about, you ask? Well they were about this...and that... and...well...see for yourself!

"I love ALL kinds of music, most being in a wide range of genres. I do more slower stuff than normal though. It just seems to move me more. Theres just one problem with slow music though. Whether sad or happy, it just reminds me that Im single. The happy reminds me that I have no one to cuddle, love, hold, sing to, caress, kiss...all that sticky icky sweet shit. And the sad just makes me realize that the one person I cried over, stole my heart ,while the others just hurt my ego. Crazy right? It took a minute to actually realize that. As a single woman, I learn so many new things everyday. Music...My anti-drug. My addiction. My melodic mood ring!"

Crazy but true, right?

How does music make you feel? Can it control/ has it controlled your mood, like it has done me?

Drop me a line people =]

Until then..

Keep It In The CLOSET!

Outtie5000..JoniCee

Music Vlog #1..UnWritten//Natasha Bedingfield (Down With The SICKNESS!)

The kid was sick for a HOT minute, but thank GOD Im feeling better. Voice note soon to follow!

What I Hate: A 1 on 1 look at the 4 things that make Joni's ASS ITCH!

Today's Quote:

"You making shit more complicated than it should be//You feel your death is coming soon only it could be//Nigga got killed because they never understood me//I know your block is similar to how my hood be//This nigga with all of this playing getting on my nerves//He calling me up on the phone saying he want a Burb//I told his daddy that's not how I handle business, man//How I know you not turning, say that you be with me saying//Doing business with you I'm not even considering."

-Juvenile The Great//"Gone Ride With Me"

Today's Image:

Morning! Blah.

For a few reasons or another, I woke up with anger in my heart and with alotta shit on my mind. Theres SO many things that people do that makes my ASS itch. When I say ass itch, I dont mean literally people. I clean myself every-damn-day, thank you! I just mean in a figurative, you-get-on-my-fucking-nerves kinda way. You're probably gonna see me use this term ALOT! Anyways, I felt the need to explain and express, although I really dont have to, my top 5 things that just piss me the hell off. I know some of you will agree with me on some of this shit. So, with that being said, lets go...

Number 4:

Frivolous Shoppers...

Now, there are kids all over the world who need shoes, food, clothing, etc. Instead of you buying something that you may truly need (Clothing, shoes, a HOUSE), you want to put your money down on a set of rims and jewelry? REALLY? 1st off, HOUSES LAST LONGER! You can live in a house. You cant live in those 50 pairs of Nikes, can you? JACKASS. And 2ndly..You dont know what *SAVING* is? At least save SOMETHING for future activities/troubles! aND WHAT PISSES ME OFF EVEN MORE SO....These people are the same ones who cry, scream, complain, and bitch about what?....

BEINGGGGGGGGGGGGG BROKEEEEEEEEEEE! >.<

Dont come running to me cause you spent your money on stupid shit. Dont ask to borrow, cause I have NO money.

Back back bitch. GIMMIE FIDDY FEET!

Ugh. #Icantkeepmymoneyright=FAIL!

Number 3:

LIARS...ENOUGH SAID...

Why do people lie? Is there REALLY a reason beyond not wanting to hurt people's feelings? I know there isn't. There's NO reason to lie, especially when its for NOTHING! When I find out people have been lying for no apparent reason, it makes me feel all dirty..and angry as well. Be REAL with your shit. Then they get mad when you dont believe their truths. If your dumb ass wouldnt lie in the FIRST fucking place, you'd be taken seriously!

#LiarsalwaysFAIL

Bitches....*side eye*

Number 2:

Haters..

Is there a reason why people hate? You dont get PAID for hating. You get stipends? Lemmie know. I'll start hating too..*side eye*. Yall ever notice how other races (Asian, Latino, Caucasians, Etc..), get ahead of us in many things? THATS BECAUSE THEY DONT HATE ON EACH OTHER! Yup. I said it. Yall know its true. Why hate on someone thats doing better than you? Shit, follow their footsteps so you can get on your shit too! Use your hate as FUEL. If you continue to spend all your time hating, your ass will be in the SAME damn spot. FOREVER!

#HATERSGETSPRAYEDLIKEAFROSHEEN=YOU FAIL!

And the Number 1 thing that makes my ASS itch.....

PEOPLE WHO DONT TAKE CARE OF THEIR DAMN KIDS!

If theres one thing I cant stand, its BITCHES who have BABIES, and opt NOT to take care of them! You dont comb the babies hair. You dont take them to the doctor. You dont even buy the damn children clothes. KILL YOURSELF! Children are not fucking toys. You cant just do dirty shit like that to them. They didn't ASK to be here. Sometimes, I wish I could adopt all the kids in the world, so they'd be safe, and well taken care of. If you didn't want kids, your lazy stank ass shouldn't have laid down and bussed your pussy open. And if you wanted to fuck, condoms and birth control is your best friend. GET TO KNOW THEM! Trifling ass females make me SICK! TAKE CARE OF YOUR KIDS BITCH! And stop putting them off on other people too. Its YOUR babies heffa!

UGH! #IFYOUDONTKEEPYOURPUSSYINYOURPANTS=YOU FAIL!

Theres a bunch of other shit that makes me mad, but you get the picture with these. So, what makes YOUR ass itch people? Drop the kid a line.

Till next blog, Im OUT this bitch.

-Deuces

JoniCee: The ANGRY one!

"Allow me to RE-Introduce myself....."

Famous Quote:

"You might see me in the streets, but shawty, you ont KNOW me!"

-Southern King...T.I. (T.I.P)

I think I should properly introduce myself, seeing as half..ok majority of you mofos dont know the kid. You have just entered the life and times of the QUEEN MUTHAFUCKIN BEE..JONI MICHELLE! Im a bad ass, sexy, single, educated, 22 year old from the sexy southern state of Louisiana...in the city of New Orleans to be exact! I got a vulgar mouth and a harsh tongue. I VOW to stay true to me at ALL times.

Also, as you can tell, Im a FAT ASS! Yes people, I eat collards, and yams, chicken, pizza...fuck it...I eat what tastes good to me! Yes Im a fat mofo...SO WHAT?!? Im fabulous. Fuck you. Die slow if you dont think so =]. Anyways, Im cool as hell, and Im here to share a bit of EVERYTHING with you guys, from my personal life, to special info, all the way down to advice.  I'll also be sharing some of my very own stuff, like songs, videos I've made, poetry, and other shit like that.

Im here basically to have fun. I live. I breathe. I do shit.

Come walk the wild side. Take that leap. Follow the kid on her journeys!

Until then..Outie 5000 BITCHES!

-♥

Joni C.Baby:Please Say The Baby!

Oh...and by the way, you can get in contact with me, you know! LMAO!

The Y-Hoo: JoniMcMuffin

Twitter: @Jonieffinceetriq

MySpizzy/FaceBitch: MissJoniChelle

Twurk On Formspring: formspring.me/JoniChelle

Poetry...

Here's a new poem for the masses! Hope you guys enjoy it :)

H.E. by Joni Michelle

It was a smoggy Sunday eve here in New Orleans..

And I was scrambling to get out of the rain

I decided to stop at this coffee shop

To contemplate about things..

And there HE was..

6'5..brown eyes..smile complimented the sunrise

And I knew, had we locked eyes..

I'd see a new horizon with this human being..I just know it

But the inner me...wouldn't let me show it..

Simply because....

HE wouldn't notice ME..cause I'm not the average chick

Fast cars and bling cant trap me...plus I'm not your definition of THICK

But damn I just wanna get close..and try to learn the most

about this ANGELIC creature I see...

Everywhere HE'D go...ID be sure to follow..

but I know HE wouldn't notice...ME

In the following weeks..I couldn't sleep

for thinking about the beauty I'd seen

Flashbacks, it seems...of this Adonis Dream..constantly made me cream.

OK..so yeah...I know I haven't heard him speak...but I know he'd make me weak..

If he just said my name...soft and slow...for me...OOOOHHHH JONI

*Giggles*

Hey...say what you choose, I have a right to swoon...Because In reality....

HE wouldn't notice ME..cause I'm not the average chick

Fast cars and bling cant trap me...plus I'm not your definition of THICK

But damn I just wanna get close..and try to learn the most

about this ANGELIC creature I see...

Everywhere HE'D go...ID be sure to follow..

but I know HE wouldn't notice...ME

So two weeks passed..

and I just gave up on speaking about him anymore

My girls came around..for a night on the town..

and wound up in somewhere we never been before..

Of course it was wall to wall with the Porcelain dolls

and I was starting to feel out of place.

I was ready to go, and as I searched for my girls..

my eyes stumbled upon a familiar face.

Could it be? Are you kidding me?

Yes...it was him..and as he shuffled across the room..

my heart begin to swim.

He grabbed my hands..pulled me to dance

and I was in the land of pure bliss.

From that day on..we've been on one accord

He even gave me my first real KISS.

I fell in love with this man..when he took my hand..

and now I'm a Bride to be.

But the question still remained the same..

All my letters asked...WHY ME?

So now we stand holding hands

on our very special day.

After reciting my wedding vows..here's what he had to say.

Dear Jay

When I saw you in the coffee shop that rainy day,

I knew you were the one who was destined to be.

I thought about you daily, to the point of no sleep.

It was then on , that I made it my mission, to see you again.

So I could love you, inside and out, and get to know the woman within.

You always ask, "Why Me?" and " What was it about me?"

But I say "What and Why not?" you?..We mesh so perfectly.

See you're not the average girl, and I'm a admirer of everything unique.

And you're not a size 2...but that's beautiful to me.

So what you're not a supermodel..you mean so much more..

You see...you're the PROTOTYPE of what EVERY woman should be.

I love you for you, each and every curve, and everything about you I treasure.

You may not be royalty to others, but today and forever more, You'll be my QUEEN forever!

Hope you all enjoyed it =]

OMGee...The PAINNNNN!

So...My day started off good..at least...right?

Well...that quickly changed..Hard labor changes ALOTTA shit..lol.

Not to mention shitty attitudes...B-FUCKING-LAH!

She woke me up with a Sausage, Egg and Cheese McGriddle meal..complete with a medium coke.

Yessir..Heaven came EARLY....

Wow...I think I'm a Narc!

So...the last thing I remember is that I went to sleep at 6:30'sh this morning. Why on EARTH did I wake up at 10:30, I have no earthly idea...LMAO! I told my homie I just may be the worlds FIRST fat crackhead ROTF!

Anyways, the 4th is coming up and I'm UBER excited. We talkin bbq's, ample liquor, sexy mens with no shirts and fireworks in their hands (Been waking up in a cold sweat from that shit!), swimming, and lots parties filled with good music! Oh yeah...family and friends too..LMAO!

Solange will be here doing a party/fashion show on Friday night. You know what that means....FREEEEEE STUFFFF...AND I LIKIE FREE! FREE All white party on Saturday...gues list invite of course :). My Black Is Beautiful Tour will be in the convention center from the 3rd-5th. My sis and I have free entry to our favorite club, cause I'm cool with the bouncers/dj's. Even gave us free 3 shot drink passes.

Yessir. Its gonna be on and poppin this weekend! So, what are you guys gonna be doing for the 4th? Gimmie some feedback :)

My Family Reunion...

Ok...so the family reunion was last weekend and I must say, it was quite funny.

Meeting 5 little cousins I never knew existed= Free, but came with a 5.00 price mark, as they begged me for chips, pickles, and little sippers juices.

50/60/70 year olds dancing to Stanky Leg= Free, but this too, came with a price mark, as I pondered what would happen if one of their hips slipped, if one fell into split, or if "The Change" started when THEY started doing the Booty Dew. When I giggled at the thought, I think I lost about 10 years off my life, and damn near choked and died on the spot, from the pull apart'able piece of rib I had in my mouth.

Snowballs = Free...but you guessed it...WELL PRICED! The fucking line was about 50 family members STRONG, and these bastids were gettin about 4 snowballs per person. By the time my fat ass stayed in the line, let about 7 kids get ahead of me, plus 4 old people, the damn people had ran out of snowball cups. I had been in that line for about 30 mins. I was MAD AS ALL BLUE FUCKIN HELL..up until Jamayra and Maya (My new little cousin and Cousin Brandon's girlfriend's daughter..WHOO LAWD THAT WAS ALOT!) came up to me and gave me a hug, and shared theirs with me.

After the day altering mix of cold Ciroc shots & Heinekens galore, Bacardi Silvers, and Smirnoff Ices, mixed with good food and the comedic stylings of Uncle Willie and Uncle Man (Leonard), I was dead to the world in no time flat, and wasn't really worried about the heat anymore.

My family, no matter how ghetto/loud/obnoxious/smart-mouthed/dumb (in more ways than one) they can be...

They're still MY ghetto/loud/obnoxious/smart-mouthed/dumb (in more ways than one) family, and nothing will ever change that. But next year...yeah...lmao...WERE GETTIN A DAMN DJ!